it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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