your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
