2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
