Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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