Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
