Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
