Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
