i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
