We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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