A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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