May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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