I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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