Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
