dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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