Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sorry my hands just texted you
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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