Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
