im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
