i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
