is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
