blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
