I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
