sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
