Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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