Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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