the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
