need another drink. this is the easiest way
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my vag is so smooth its legendary
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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