quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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