Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Terrible idea I love it
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
