The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
