I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
