Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
