remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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