I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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