you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
