All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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