Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
