Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
