i think my mom watched the whole time
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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