yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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