i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
is it fun? or sober?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
