It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
