So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
