If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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