She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
