you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
