Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
