the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
