I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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