Whod you bang
Say something about gay babies.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
