Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He shit in the fireplace
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
