I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
