She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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