Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
