Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
