ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
