i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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